Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in sobertears' LiveJournal:

Saturday, February 17th, 2007
4:56 pm	Your Brain is Purple Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself. What Color Is Your Brain? (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
6:28 pm	Am I really that invasive? So much of an inconvenience? I feel terrible, although it's not how I should. It's not just this either everything's coming down at once and it's like I've lost grip on reality. I'm getting hit with so many things at once it's just hard to take it all in stride and keep moving. gRargsa;dskfj (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
4:30 pm	Wow. I was going to write a post the other day, but I was in turmoil and it didn't make any sense. I got in a fight with Josh. A big one. It was ugly. It stemmed from a bunch of things and hit a pinnacle when I got ditched. The problem lies in Josh and I having very different logic patterns. What makes sense for him as a reasonable course of action to me seems like irresponsibility. But it worked out okay, I think. Andy came to my house and saved me. We went to Barneys and got some smokes, then went up on Conneaut Hill to enjoy them. I have to be careful, they're too damn soothing, I don't want to completely fall off the bandwagon. I apologize to Linzy publicly and formally. josh and I had the aniiversary trip, which didn't go quite as planned (it was still good, but there were a few kinks in the perfection) and I was still coming back down from that, and not feeling very social. I am sorry for being weird at the party. Josh and I sat down and talked. I realize it's hard for a lot of guys to communicate their feelings. That's not a stereotype either, I've found it to be true (note i didn't say ALL guys). Josh is one of them. I'm a pretty open person, and I'll tell my personal life to almost anybody. Now you clash an extremely expressive person with a closed off one, and you have a Battle Royale of frustration and anger. Well, at least on my part. Many of you can relate. it's difficult when you're expressive to have a partner who is much less so. You have to fight it out of them. Normally I'm not one for forcing things out of people, but when it's threatening you rrelationship and putting a damper on the romance, well, you have to take action. Especially because he lets it build up and it all comes out and makes no sense and is extremely spiteful and hurts. And I talked about that. We discussed a variety of issues that have been building up, mainly the communication. everything is going to depend on that improving. I already dated a boy who could never tell me how he felt, who constantly hid his true self and feelings, and had a thick shell around him. I really don't think i can handle that again. It shouldn't be that difficult but man...I got fucked up the first time. I know it's because I let things get to me and got in over my head. I have a problem of throwing myself way too much into things...and then falling on my ass. But that was a while ago, and I recovered. I can't deny that I haven't noticed certain similarities. Both shy( Josh pretends not to be, but he blushes at almost anything around new or large crowds of people), emotionally closed off, love of anime, lanky guys. I can't deny my taste. i like this one a little better though. Josh is different though, i hope. He's got more openness, i just have to prod a little now and then. And he does have emotions...probably more than he would like to let on around me. He genuinely cares...he tells me he loves me......and he enjoys making love over anime (at least i hope). Plus he's kinky...I'm rather satisfied about that little bit. Meow. So yes, things should be okay. But he HAS to communicate, or it's not worth it for me, no matter how much I love him. Constant stress and misery is not what I deserve. THings progressed well from there. We enjoyed some time together. Went to see Silent Hill on Tuesday. Holy shit, it was creepy, and I loved it. Especially the nurse scene. Gah. Hooters with friends on Weds. Good times. And last night I passed out on the Hampton Floor for like an hour, and now my back seeks revenge. I can't believe the school year is out. Wow. I'm free. Again. From school, which I hate. Until next year, when I dive back into the shit hole. Provided I still have my scholarship. I need to get the ball rolling on Wood Lane. I want to move out next year, and I'll never be able to afford it with the money I make now. And even then, my life will consist of school, work, and sleep when i can get it. All for an apartment, because I don't think I'm going to have a roomate, unless we get a two bedroom. I refuse to do the one bedroom two roomates thing. So I'll probably have a one bedroom, utilities, and all that fun stuff to pay for alone. Fuck. I started trying to do a little update, instead y'all got a mind rape. I'm going to stop now, before any more inner thoughts pop up. By the way, without trying to offend anyone, if you choose to comment, please take care. I know it requires patience and it'll all be okay, and everyone knows it will work out. Please don't patronize me about that, I know. I love you all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
6:53 pm	And so ends an era. I am finished with the movie theater. Surprisingly, nothing feels different, except I have more free time. I'm also about to discover I have no money. That will suck, but I will survive. I'm happier, that is what matters. I'm really ridiculously frustrated right now, and I'm not entirely sure where it is all coming from. I know a gist of it. Josh and I have an issue that's under hot debate right now...no, it's probably not what you think. it's something important however, and it's going to have an impact on our future, so it's something I want to be absolutely sure about before even seriously considering. he's being too vague about it though, and that's stressing me to high hell. I understand he has a hard time explaining some things, but some I feel like he's just not concerned enough to address. Maybe he's afraid to address. Maybe he think I'm dropping the subject too fast (again, not what you're likely to think). I just want clarity, and I don't think that's a lot to ask of something that affects my life. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
11:58 pm	I'll post more another day., because I'm trying to figure out how to word it all while still making sense. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 19th, 2006
3:16 am	There's not a whole lot to update upon this week. Josh and I have been pretty rocky...although in all fairness it's not really his fault. The issue I have is moreso with what one of his friends finds amusing....I realize words are just words, but I do have a little bit of dignity. Hopefully that situation will be looking up, because it's still bothering me and I'm not sure how to fix it. I went to Rocky in Fremont, which was fun. They made me be devirginized again, because I'd never been to Fremont. Nevermind I'd been to BG and it's a lot of the same people. Ah well. Still pretty fun. Classesare grueling, but nothing I can't handle. And that's about all I have for you. Overall, life is good. I was a little worried about everything with the above situation. Ah hell, I'm not going to lie, I was furious. And upset. And doubtful. And those feelings aren't completely gone... which is a little scary. But I hope for the best. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
11:58 pm	So I took this from Mandi, who stole it from Adam, who ganked it from Dawn, etc.... I was excited to do this, until I realized how much younger I am than everyone. Even Adam was at least 18 5 years ago. I was 13. I expanded my horizons when I was 14 and up..... until then I was a naive little gal. So we're going to cheat a little, and make it 14. Hell, I'll be 19 in August, and if Adam gets to claim 18 even though he won't be 23 until August, I win a little slack Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then. 5 YEARS AGO How old were you?:14 What school year were you in?: A freshman in High School Where did you go to school?: Bowling Green High Where did you work?: Varsity Square Apartments Where did you live?: Parents, Bowling Green, same house Where did you hang out?: lol... Grounds for Thought, The Small, The Drama Room How was your hair style?: as a freshman...really short and my ordinary goldish brown color. I didn't butcher it until sophmore year Did you wear braces?: not anymore Did you wear glasses?: yes, boring little rounds things Who was your best friend?: Michelle....rar. Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?: I dressed like a boy, so I'm pretty sure everyone thought I was a lesbian....and I hung out with a girl who could scare rabid wolves, so my social life with males was limited Who was your celebrity crush?: Honestly?..... Edge from WWF How many piercings did you have?: Just the ears How many tattoos did you have?:none...i got my tattoo when i was 15 What was your favorite band?:I think Freshman year I was depressed. I listened to Disturbed. And ICP. Wow. What was your worst fear?: Rejection....I could handle being a loner, but being rejected was something worse Did you drive yet? not legally Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: yeah, that summer I tried them Had you gotten drunk or high yet?: yeah... Freshman year was indulgence. I spent the entire summer after it getting drunk and stoned off my ass at the campground....wow I did a lot of pot. ANd I was 14. THat's just a big thought to swallow ---------------------------------------------------------------- HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------- How old are you?: 18 (29 if you ask Dave) What school year are you in?: A Freshman....in college Where do you go to school?: BGSU Where do you live? At home for the year....I got a full tuition scholarship for kicking the ACT's ass, so I essentially go to school free. I wanted to be a little laid back this year before I had to get a better job, and I'm probably getting a one bedroom somewhere around here for myself, seeing as my friends all love the dorms or are running off to Florida...Although, I don't want to live alone, but I have got to move out. What a pickle. It's just time for something new, I can feel it. Where do you hang out: Big Boy, COnneaut Hill when Andy and I need to be kids again, Fred and Mandi's, my theater, Josh's house, the Hampton inn How your hair style?: Fairly short and dyed fiery red. Hey, I'm fiesty enough, and I've certainly got the bitch streak to qualify for red headedness Do you wear glasses?: Yes, my super sweet sexy velma shades...although they're old. I need to get new ones. Who is your best friend?: Andylah, even though I see him less with school. Hannah and I have been bonding a lot lately...everyone else is kinda drifting. I do have lots of new friends too Who is your girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance'?: Josh is my cute little girlfriend ;) (I enjoy the fact that I can tease him mercilessly on here, as he'll never read this) Who is your celebrity crush?: Kate Beckinsale.....Cillian Murphy...and Ewan McGregor are all very pretty Who is your regular-person crush?: Define Crush. It would obviously be Josh, but if it's guys I love to flirt with I'd say Greg. How many tattoos do you have?: One. I need to get cracking on that How many piercings do you have?:My nipples and my ears. And that's all I will ever need What is your favorite band?: I don't have one, as it varies from week to week. I have been on a Lifehouse kick recently. What is your biggest fear?: i have a few. The biggest is failure in all aspects Have you driven yet? Yes, I drive people up the wall all the time :p. haha. ok, so i'm not that funny, but I can dream damn you! Have you smoked a cigarette yet?yes. I actually have an exciting, hopeful announcement to make. I've been getting worse with smoking over the past two years, but for New Years I decided to quit. And then I got sick, and I haven't had more than a hit in four or five days. I was planning gradual, but now I'm hoping I can just be done. YAY ME! Have you gotten drunk or high yet?: Yes. I have not gotten high in a very, very long time. I think I had a hit of pot last summer with Dan, and that had been the only pot I'd had in over a year. I have no desire to kick it back up. The way I see it, it's something most people will, and should experience. I had my fun. I "lived". and now it's time to grow up a little. As for drinking, I do on occaision. My friends went nuts with the whole turning 18 thing. THey drank almost every day this summer. It lost almost all appeal to me then. I did get drunk at Barbs, which was fun, and I did at the Vibrator Wedding a LITTLE, but other than that....nah. Maybe when I hit 21 I'll go nuts, but I hope not. Current Mood: restless (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
9:17 pm	And time for Chapter 19... The time has come the walrus said, to talk of many things: Of ships and sails and sealing wax ,of cabbages and kings.   How about the rest of my life?   Overall, it's been a year to remember. I haven't had a whole lot of exciting events. It's funny though, the year seems so old. California is just a  distantmemory, when it really hasn't been long. I don't want to bore my audience with a lengthy rant on the past year...but I will say it's one to remember. I walked away a new person. I have a new relaitonship and many new friends. I'vesurvived a semester at BGSU and I'm looking down the barrel of a new one. Though many little things are worrying me, I'mexcited to see where this year takes me. New Year's Day was lovely. Barb and I went through a bottle of champagne together, which I conveniently hid behind the pickles. I had a bubbly, flushed buzz going. It was fabulous. I discovered my boyfriend is mentally challenged, but only on a DDR board. Mandi makes yummy mixed drinks. Barb's kitten is fabulous, and Dave has discovered the feline's master plan for world domination. And spent quality time talking to me. Yay bonding. I attempted to play Halo 2 the other day. My friend's controls are custom configured though, so I was confused as fuck, and failed miserably, but it was still an amusing time as Andy and I chased each other with rockets. We then played Vice City, with weapons cheats, and the babe magnetcode. Andy got 9 chicks into a city bus. Pimp daddy. I feel a little disjointed rightnow, my apologies. I don't have anything intelligetn to say at the moment. I'mjust reflecting. Wow, it's been a good year. Most of the people who are reading this have met me withing the last few months. THank you for making me feel welcome. And thank you to Dave, who insists I would have been allowed in the room had I been at Owens. I feel loved. Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Tori Amos (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
3:48 pm	ADD Attack SO here I sit, all ready to start my paper. I have a Mountain Dew, the information, and Tori Amos playing. And then my dad comes in and opens the blinds, and promptly starts cleaning the window. I a) can't focus when the window is squeeking, and b) can't stop staring out the window. I was washing my hands in the restroom in East Hall today when another girl came out of a stall and up to the sink. She glances up, and we met gazes in the mirror. She gave me a hint of a smile, studying me, and then turned, walking out of the room. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. I think I"m just really caught up in the concept of how different people really are. I know everyone's their own person, etc, etc, but I haven't ever sat down and thought about the concept. I think sex started that whole thought process. In the aftermath I found myself thinking about how beautiful a concept it is. I don't know, the thought that I can have such a wonderful experience with someone and yet we experience it in such different ways is kind of exciting.Or perhaps I'm weird. Ah well. Anyways, this all kind of ties into the whole never truly understanding someone else's life, except with a little bit more mystery I suppose. i don't mean friends. I mean the girl you walk by on the street with tears in her eyes. Why is she crying? You'll never know, but you can wonder. That's me. I can't stop wondering. I passat least a hundred people a day on campus that I will never get to know. And it doesn't matter what I do with my life, their's keeps going in its own direction. That's so amazing. Or maybe I'm just easily amused. But think about it. A picture is worth a thousand words. So is a passing glance. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
3:45 pm	As You Wish.. As per request, I have obtained a livejournal account. Actually, apparently I've had one, I just never used it (Comment on this)